It is 36 days away from my 27th birthday. I have 3 more years to clock 30. I know, I can't help but think about that. Yeah yeah, age is just a number but death is no respecter of age even.
Why am I talking about death? Well, I don't know why.
I keep failing at taking myself seriously. I tend to make stupid things and emotions distract me from the things that truly satisfy my soul. I think I might be outgrowing the current space I am in now. I need a distraction that is healthy and contributes substantially to my growth. Now, I will rather come home and spend all my time behind my computer learning or working on something that will help me professionally. I think I am pausing night life till my birthday weekend. Yes, that will be my excuse when I am invited out. I have a life to create. I only have me now.
These very few days to my birthday, I want to make that happen for me. I think that is the gift I will be giving myself. Only go to places I really feel like going and enjoy. I am not doing that to myself again - going into spaces where I feel less of myself and inadequate.
I know it is just my fragile emotions poking its head but I need to be more kind to myself in that regard.
From the days to come I will be analyzing each day and see what I will be doing differently or be doing more to be productive and useful.
I will be learning to slowly detach from the things that stir my emotions wrongly. I need to go really hard on learning and growing these few days I have left.
I think I might need to fully go hard in order to feel grounded as I don't have any other option left now. Doing my best in each moment I find myself in is going to make all the difference.
For the days to come, I am going fully hard on learning, doing and implementing. In as much as it is going to be basically going to be trial and error, we are still going to make this work.
Taking away the emotional turmoil right now. I am done and over it for now. I need productivity. I need to selfishly show up for myself.
So in the the next 36 days to come, I am only going to be consciously learning, creating and implementing. This is all I truly have now and they are watching and assessing. Let us show up please. Let's!