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Jun 03, 2019 11:22:39

Anatomy of Appreciation

by @abrahamKim PATRON | 256 words | 🐣 | 462💌


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There are levels to everything.

I think people often mistake that they need similar interests to get along with others. It shows in how people try to make friends. They look for people with similar tastes in music or film or whatever.

I've been thinking about this. I do think that this is the best approach for most people, even myself. But there is something to challenge here. I've recently been thinking more clearly of why this phenomenon exists. Why must we have similar interests in 99 percent of our relationships for them to work out?

I think that shared interests is not an absolute prerequisite of a relationship. I do think that in practice, it often does become a prerequisite. But this is not the necessary nature of shared interests, but rather a communication problem.

When a room full of people are under the impression that they agree on something, then all is good. It's only once it is uncovered that there is disagreement, or even a misunderstanding of semantics, that things get tense.

Similarly, when you and the other person have similar interests, it's easy to just bask in shared agreeableness. They get you. You get them. Wow, if there were just more people like them!

But just as a former FBI hostage negotiator once said : don't start with yes. Start with no. The no is where the real negotiation begins.

With relationships with people, don't start with the easiest, low hanging fruit. You don't need shared interests. 

The lowest hanging fruit is often poisonous.

From Abe's collection:

  • 1

    @abrahamKim - Sir Abe - details on this please...

    "The lowest hanging fruit is often poisonous."

    Keni avatar Keni | Jun 03, 2019 11:04:00
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      It's my take on that old adage:

      'if it sounds too good to be true then it ain't [true]" I think that's how Brad Pitt's character says it in Inglorious Bastards lol

      Abe avatar Abe | Jun 03, 2019 18:16:21
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