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Jul 24, 2019 18:16:58

cannot be bothered

by @lucjah PATRON | 205 words | 38🔥 | 394💌


Current day streak: 38🔥
Total posts: 394💌
Total words: 105210 (420 pages 📄)

I can't be bothered. Like for real, I am mercilessly not bothered. I ask myself "Could I be bothered?", and the answer is "NOPE". I wonder WHY I cannot be bothered. It is unsettling. It is upsetting. It is sad. I actually am bothered by that. So ok, I am bothered with the fact that I cannot be bothered... but does it make me "bothered"? Is being meta bothered equal to being simply bothered? I don't think so. I think that me being bothered by not being bothered is more a matter of guilt, maybe rather shame, social embarrassment. I mean... HOW DOES IT LOOK if I cannot be bothered to be bothered? What kind of indifference, laziness, neglect, head-in-the-arse-ness is it, not to make even the slightest effort to be bothered? Well... I AM trying... to push myself gently, to persuade myself, to tempt myself, to lure myself into the botherdome... No, it does not work, not really. Just my bother with not being bothered bulges and squashes my conscious more and more... It gets really uncomfortable. The bulge. Would it squeeze out into the open the being-botheredness? I do not think so...

I cannot be bothered...

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