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Mar 29, 2019 12:40:28

how about Plan B?

by @lucjah PATRON | 283 words | 🐣 | 398💌


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I remember hearing once, that suicide is not an expression of wish to end one's life, but to kill just the part of ourselves which brings pain we cannot cope with. 

It can be losing a loved one, a job, can be peer pressure, loneliness... 

Statistics say that losing an intimate partner is the reason of over 30% of suicides. (Problems at work "only" about 12%; metal illness is behind 45%.) "The death of a husband or wife is well recognized as an emotionally devastating event, being ranked on life event scales as the most stressful of all possible losses." So no surprise there I suppose.

Is it about loving and being loved? Or maybe about sharing hardships and happiness? Or maybe the reason is more evolutionary? In the "old days" being left behind, by partner or a group, often meant death anyway...

It's just a part hurting, yet it overshadows everything. We decide to "close the shop". The extent of collateral damage seems harrowing! One broken part makes us throw away everything else. It seems crazy, doesn't it? And yet, we do it. 

It is even more twisted. "There is evidence to suggest increased mortality among the widowed whose spouses committed suicide." Actually members of the closest family are at bigger rink of committing suicide. It might not be just our "other parts" getting killed.

In a British series "After Life" a widowed husband says, that what helps him survive is knowing, that if life gets unbearable, there is always a "Plan B". 

Should we bear everything/anything that life brings us? Or is Plan B a good thing? Seems pretty selfish, doesn't it... But maybe there is nobody to get hurt...

I don't know...

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    @lucjah "suicide is not an expression of wish to end one's life, but to kill just the part of ourselves which brings pain we cannot cope with." - wow that's a really insightful perspective to suicide...never saw it that way. Makes a lot of sense now..

    Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Mar 30, 2019 20:28:46
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      @jasonleow yes, this sentence really imprinted in my mind. In this light help seems more possible, and yet...

      Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Mar 30, 2019 20:20:33
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    @lucjah holy crap, that's dark. But I don't know, honestly. Losing one of my loved ones would be devastating. But there are the others. But losing them all, now that's another thing. But even then, they will live along as long as there is somebody to remember them. And I that case, I would like to bear their legacy, for as long as possible. Despite all the pain I would need to bear along.

    Janne Koponen avatar Janne Koponen | Mar 29, 2019 22:23:53
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      @Arcticloon Yes, these are i imagine very personal choices. I am just riding about Professor George Bonanno and his studies of resilience.
      It seems we might not be able to imagine in any way our reactions to loss.

      Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Mar 30, 2019 12:59:38
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    @lucjah - This is an interesting post. I even read the linked article. I had no idea there was such a clear comparison of these life events. I tried to remember how I felt when certain stressful events happened in my life. It is a good thing to know and expect that certain events will be very stressful. If there is a way, to even prepare for it.
    I think what makes an event more stressful is when it happens suddenly/unexpectedly.
    Thank you for this post - Keep writing.

    Keni avatar Keni | Mar 29, 2019 12:18:54
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      @keni I'm really happy you found it interesting, it's gloomy and difficult topic to face

      Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Mar 29, 2019 19:11:44
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    The best illumination of why someone might commit suicide I've come across is David Foster Wallace's :
    "The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."

    Abe avatar Abe | Mar 29, 2019 13:28:02
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      @abrahamKim Thank you for the quote! It is strong indeed
      I absolutely do not reject suicide as a solution, yet the comparison brings an opening for options of a fireman saving this person, or actually somebody on the ground assuring that it is possible to survive... what I mean is, it never is the only option. It indeed is a personal decision, of choosing which pain we endure. The information about the "collateral damage" might influence it... or not.

      Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Mar 29, 2019 13:46:09
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