Sometimes I view life as a very loving parent.
A lot of my friends learned pretty early that they were fuck-ups. Their parents hadn't held back on letting them know.
My parents are very loving. They allowed me to be a fuck-up without rubbing the fact in. It was only once I began aspiring not to be a fuck-up that I began to see how big of a fuck-up I was.
You don't know how much you don't know until you start knowing. And in life, it seems that you don't know how much of a fuck-up you are until you start aspiring and then start progressing. But the entire time before I began feeling this drive to better myself, I had no idea how much potential I was squandering. It felt like I was living life simply the way it was supposed to be lived. Like there was no other possible way.
But once I began actually being honest with myself and what I wanted. Once I didn't allow fear to prevent me from actually looking into my sincere desires, I realized how much of a fuck-up I was. And when I could finally see that, I was okay with it. It didn't shatter me like I thought it would. It made me grateful, to life, for allowing me to still have a shot at progressing, even after so much wasted time.