Especially on a day like this I wish I could just forget. Erase my memory. When everything around me is white once again. It brings back the memories of life long white corridors I had to walk for decades. Or so it seemed. Actually it was only 7 months, but it lasted for ever.
When we first found out he was sick and possibly going to die it was in the middle of the summer. He had to be in the hospital surrounded by white walls. I felt like the winter just took over me. I felt cold all of the time and saw nothing but whiteness. I watched him become small and vulnerable. That strong man I had always leaned on. He struggled and suffered and all I could do was walk on the white corridors, knock on white doors, ask for the people wearing white to help him.
When it was time to let go it was snowing outside. When we buried him we yet again walked the white corridors of the cemetery. It was the time to let the ground swallow him. After that I kept on wandering in the white scene. To bring the white candles, to water the soil with my tears. In hope of spring to come and bloom.
It's snowing today. I'm lost in the middle of my memories, buried in the white reality. I want it painted black.