Today, is a rough day.
The furthest I got away from my bed was a few feet away down the stairs, when I finally gave up resisting, and had to refill my water bottle.
Someone dear to me once read and shared: If you made your bed, first thing in the morning, then you would have done at least one thing that day.
That friend would probably be devastated to know that not only was my bed unmade, but the sarcastic, adventurous person he knew, would remain under its tousled covers all day. Curled up like a shriveled, whining fetus, unwilling to face the outside world.
Sick to the stomach, dry heaving, head pounding - all the cliche symptoms of mental dis-order.
I paced endlessly from porcelain bowl to worn yoga mat. Something I optimistically unfurled this morning, but it's seen more tears than sweat all day. No sweat, truthfully.
Physically, I feel terrible. Emotionally - One. Big. Steaming. Dump.
Mentally, I'm racing hamster wheels off a list that's really not that long, but looming ever heavy on my mind. Every seconds hand tick in the direction of night makes me sicker for not making a dent in my list.
When I go downstairs to where my parents cheerfully discuss plans for dinner, I have to hold it together not to cry. I don't look them in the eye, and I got to watch their smiles fade instead as I make excuses to cloister myself back up in my room.
But the nausea and shivers are real.
I'm terrified I won't make it an hour outside my room.
Today, was a rough day.
I'm back, sorry it took me so long! Today has been a rough day, but I feel better now that I've taken some time to write all this out. Looking forward to a much more productive day tomorrow.