loading words...

May 03, 2019 23:25:44

Start with "I", not "YOU"

by @hiro | 214 words | 🐣 | 347💌


Current day streak: 0🐣
Total posts: 347💌
Total words: 92671 (370 pages 📄)

It is easier to blame on your partner when you would like to change his or her behavior by saying like 

  • "You should remove the hair in a bathtub after you took a shower!"
  • "Please clear the space and don't put your clothes on the FLOOR!" 

In the short term, we might be able to change their behavior. But in the long term, I believe this is not a good way of communication.

Personally, I think it would be better to start with "I", neither "you" nor using imperative and tell them how you feel. For the above examples, I would say

  • "I was sad that I found a hair in a bathtub."
  • "I was sad to see clothes on the floor."

Not many people like to be demanded or commanded in a bossy way.  

In addition, to make it more powerful, it would be better to discuss and agree with those things with your partner in advance. When you are the person who resented in the above example, or you are shouted at the other side, it is too late to take action. Let it go if it happens and let's work on the next one. 

I hope we can avoid catastrophic hypermnesia quarrel and build a sustainable relationship.


Word of the day: hypermnesia


  • 1

    @hiro A corollary to your suggestion relates to conflict. Start with an agreement. If you know you are going to disagree with someone, open the conversation with a point of agreement rather than go straight for the differences.

    Brandon Wilson avatar Brandon Wilson | May 04, 2019 11:32:03
    • 1

      @brandonwilson In my experience, problems tend to come from the situation where one side does not make an agreement or assumes the other(s) think as the one does. But as you say, after trying to make an agreement, I might end up with disagreement. I will keep in mind not to focus on the differences.

      Hiro avatar Hiro | May 05, 2019 17:09:28
contact: email - twitter / Terms / Privacy