It is easier to blame on your partner when you would like to change his or her behavior by saying like
- "You should remove the hair in a bathtub after you took a shower!"
- "Please clear the space and don't put your clothes on the FLOOR!"
In the short term, we might be able to change their behavior. But in the long term, I believe this is not a good way of communication.
Personally, I think it would be better to start with "I", neither "you" nor using imperative and tell them how you feel. For the above examples, I would say
- "I was sad that I found a hair in a bathtub."
- "I was sad to see clothes on the floor."
Not many people like to be demanded or commanded in a bossy way.
In addition, to make it more powerful, it would be better to discuss and agree with those things with your partner in advance. When you are the person who resented in the above example, or you are shouted at the other side, it is too late to take action. Let it go if it happens and let's work on the next one.
I hope we can avoid catastrophic hypermnesia quarrel and build a sustainable relationship.
Word of the day: hypermnesia