In some ways it could have been anyone. For months I was an actor in my dreams rehearsing how I would hold a woman, how I would wander up her neck with my lips, how I would grip her hair and show her open mouth to me and how I would leave her begging. In stormy arctic mornings I practiced and found solace in the simulations. I felt I needed to love someone and when Lina disappeared a placeholder of her remained.
And so my hands unfurled and searched her body like racehorses out of the gates. She relaxed her body and raised her arms in surrender. And my body moved to the disturbed choreography of my mind, practiced and perfected. She let her mouth drop open slightly and I covered with mine before she could let out a sound.
I rise above her on my knees. She looked small beneath me. Her face was turned away and wrapped in darkness. Her chest was heaving in violent waves and I felt her right hand grip my left leg and her nails start to sink into my skin. Then her heels reached behind me and clawed me down with a fierce strength.